I am a deeply complicated young woman.
I enjoy long walks, preferably in air
conditioning.
I believe that the day is best started with
a can of Red Bull Total (no sugar, no carbs) and a self-induced orgasm.
I have a masochistic affinity for exorbitantly priced designer footwear, despite the fact that it is a derivative of Chinese foot binding torture that has resulted in an unsightly Hallux valgus on both my feet (pain is beauty).
I have no time for you if you don’t know the difference between Sartre and Beckett; Chuck Palahniuk and Bret Easton Ellis; Tanqueray and Tanqueray 10.
Preventative botox was my best idea ever.
All of my friends are female, as the ones
that were male all wanted to fuck me, and so it became semi-awkward.
The Unabomber rocking dem Aviators |
I jaywalk because I can’t be bothered to
walk the ten extra feet to the crosswalk (there's two minutes of my life I will never
get back).
I enjoy pointing out to self-identified
faux-Buddhist hipster “pacifists” that they still swat mosquitoes and take
antibiotics (you murderers).
I support strip clubs (as long as you’ve
had your Twinrex vaccine), as they’re good grounds for research into what hair
extensions never to buy.
Cher Horowitz > Mother Teresa.
Cher Horowitz > Mother Teresa.
Bling bling, bitches |
My voicemail box is always full.
I’m a bit of a bitch…but hopefully an
entertaining one, for all you fellow bitches out there.
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